I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
As shirtless as possible
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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