im holly from the hills drunk
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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