im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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