my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
