im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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