All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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