well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
