I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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