dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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