We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
