i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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