Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
