I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
