He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Life is so much better after having sex.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
