Fuck appropriateness.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
