He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
