when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
