I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
