A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
