Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
No subtext here. People are naked.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
