No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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