My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
