I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
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