I wanna bring you to show and tell
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My dick has a subreddit
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
