I'm so fucking centered right now
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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