There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
