Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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