question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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