Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Can I color on your dick again?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
