You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
