oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
