Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
