Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
