There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
