How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dicks are not precious.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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