he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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