Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
