Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
