erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
