I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
