What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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