sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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