So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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