When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
