She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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