It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
