I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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