So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
