You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
