My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
