she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
