Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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