Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
