Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
