i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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