I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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